Confession: My Dimes

A dime is a small thing. It's the smallest of our coins, worth only ten cents. It's tiny, insignificant, and meaningless, really. But, if you pick up a dime and you hold it out to the horizon, it will cover the sun. The sun is a great big thing, and yet we can lose that perspective, and begin to think that the dime is the bigger object because the sun is hidden.

"For the sake of Jacob my servant, of Israel my chosen, I summon you by name and bestow on you a title of honor, though you do not acknowledge me. I am the LORD and there is no other, apart from me there is no God." Isaiah 45:4-5a

He said He is the LORD and there is no other. No idols. No dimes. An idol, like a dime, is a small thing, but sometimes I pick it up and place it up in front of God, and it blocks Him out and begins to take God's place in my life.

There are a lot of dimes on my horizon right now. They're blocking the Son, and they're skewing my perspective.

Dime #1: Internet. Access to the wonderful world of cyber space is a fabulous thing. For months, we didn't have internet at the apartment. I became accustom to never checking my email, or facebook, or the weather. I never used mapquest. I couldn't just "google it." Instead, I spent a lot of time with God. The online world didn't steal my time or my focus. I focused on Jesus. But we have access to the internet now, and I've become accustom to checking my email and my facebook twice daily. But I don't open the Word twice a day to spend time in the Truth. In fact, I haven't had serious God time in over two weeks. Sure, I've spent time with God in the last two weeks, but I've given Him my hurried, leftover time. I've flipped through the Bible to a favorite passage instead of really diving in, searching for something new to stand out and capture my heart.

Dime #2: Friends. Relationships are important, for sure. Jesus wants me to love people, yes. But for me, sometimes friends and people and relationships get in the way of my seeking God. I say I want to love them with Jesus' love, and overflow with who He is as we meet for coffee, or chat on the couch, but how can I love them like Jesus when I haven't spent time at His feet soaking up His great love? I end up pouring out all of my love, which doesn't go very far, and then walking away feeling drained and empty. Friends and people are such a good thing, but I need to be careful that they don't get top priority before Jesus.

Dime #3: Sickness. I've had couple of physical ailments and struggles in the last months. It might sound stupid, but it so often seems bigger than it really should be. I come to the end of a long, tiring, painful day, and I don't think I have the energy to give to God. Sleep takes priority. And there it is, I've held out my dime, made my physical wellness (or lack thereof) more important, and I've shut out the Son.

Dime #4: Busyness. My schedule is crazy. Anyone who has tried to spend time with me knows they need to book their block of time at least two weeks in advance! I run and run and run. Then I end up either running out of energy, or running out of time to give to God. He gets the leftover, and my second-best (or worse).

While bits and pieces of my dimes are good things, I have to be careful that they don't get blown out of proportion. I have to be careful that they don't become the things I treasure the most. I want God to have that spot.

Head Covering

I've been covering my head for about seven months now. I figured it was time to expose my thoughts on the subject.

As I was reading through the letters in the New Testament, 1 Corinthians chapter eleven stopped me. It made me pause. I've always been told that head covering was just a cultural thing of new testament times so we don't have to follow that tradition anymore. But that's not what I read. I read that is was during prayer or prophecy in honor, with authority, and because of the order of creation. I cover my head. I don't judge those who don't. Afterall, it says "Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered?" It seems to be a personal conviction. And trust me, I've done my homework. I've talked to a pastor, and read a number of commentaries, and a few writings on the subject.

But I wish that people wouldn't judge me.

I'm a stumbling block.

I'm the weaker Christian.

I'm crazy.

I'm extreme.

I'm part of an ultra-conservative cult.

I've lost it.

I've gone off the deep end.

I need counseling.

I'm legalistic.

I wish that people wouldn't mock me.

The man who loudly told the woman walking into church with him, "WHAT is that THING on her HEAD????"

The girl who told me it was hypocritical to cover my head, and yet wear jewelry.

All the comments from so many people who have said, "Nice head piece!" with overwhelming sarcasm.

I cover my head in obedience; in love; in submission; in honor; in modesty. I don't cover all the time because I don't want it ever to become legalistic. I cover at church, Bible study, and small group. If it slips off, or gets hot, I take it off. It's a symbol; not a rule. Sometimes I wear it around the house, to work, or when I go out running errands. It's such a good reminder of my role as a woman and where my heart should be. A symbol to me. I like wearing it.

And I've come to think that it's beautiful too. I've used hats, scarves, bandana's, Russian style scarves, and hand sewn coverings. When I first started covering, nothing about wearing one made me feel beautiful. In fact, I didn't feel pretty at all. I alway pull my hair back out of my face with it, and I personally feel prettier with my hair down around my face. And I'm a hair stylist so of course I feel prettier when I've used products and a blowdryer and my hair looks nice, instead of being hidden under the fabric. But it is flowing and feminine. Beautiful. A beautiful place of the heart.

I've drawn closer to God's heart through my obedience in covering. I know Him better. I'm aware of His presence more often. I'm more convicted of sin, and I'm more prone to have a better attitude and a soft heart when I'm wearing one.

Head covering is a blessing.

Do I really love God?

How much do I really love God? Really love Him?

What would characterize people's lives if they loved God - really loved God - a whole lot? They would love other people, making time and space for them, and giving them energy. They would spend time with Jesus, soaking in His Word, and hiding it in their hearts. They would enjoy conversation with Him in prayer. They would be so wrapped up in Jesus that nothing else would come out of their mouths except what was good and pleasing to Him. They would obey His commands, and believe that what God commands in the Bible is for us to live by today as well. They would follow His specific call on their lives, submitting to Him as Lord.

I'm not sure I really love God. I spend my time and energy running around crossing off tasks on my list, and hurrying through my busy schedule. I don't put real energy into loving people. I"m so tired with the rest of my hectic life that I just don't have any energy left to give even if I want to. Time with God is hurried. I give Him my leftover time instead of my first time. While memorizing scripture use to be a daily part of my life, now I push it aside and make it wait till tomorrow. My prayer time is passionless. My attitude is ugly. My desires are selfish. My obedience is half-hearted.

Nothing about loving God would be dull or boring or mechanical or half-hearted or legalistic if it flowed from a heart that loved Him - really loved Him. So do I love Him?

Father, thank You for loving me when I don't love You like I should - really love You. Forgive me for all of my betrayal kisses. Help me love you well. I want to fall head over heels in love with Jesus all over again. Thank You. Amen.