Testimony Part 1: Rescue

I have decided to write out my testimony of what God has done in my life. The long version. I will break it down into different seasons so there will be five parts when it is complete to date. I will publish one section for the next several Thursdays until they are finished.

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I grew up in a Christian home. I can't remember not going to Sunday school and church, reading Bible stories before bed, dropping a nickel into the offering plate as I learned to tithe on my little allowance, or praying before meals.

I don't remember the first time I heard the Gospel, but I do remember the first time I understood it. I didn't want it. I was six years old, and my family was living in Georgia. I'm guessing it was near Easter, and Mommy was reading the Easter story. We've all messed up and deserve hell. Jesus died on a cross for our sins. He rose again from the dead so we can live with Him forever. If you'll confess Jesus as Lord and Dictator of your life, and believe it in your heart, you will be rescued from death. I remember understanding the Gospel, and understanding that I was headed to hell; it made me uncomfortable. I rushed to go to bed. I wanted to avoid the decision.

It wasn't long after, my family drove to Maryland from Georgia to visit family for Easter. It's a long drive, especially when you're six. The car was hot. I was sure that this trip would never end and that the car would blow up. I knew that if it did, and I died in the process, that I would go to hell. That scared me. In the back seat of the car, by myself, I prayed and asked Jesus to forgive me and come into my life; I told Him I wanted to live for Him now.

I told Grandmom the next morning. She told me I was a part of the family of God. I don't remember telling anyone else, but I must have eventually. I was baptized years later.

Rescued from death.

-To Be Continued-

Finding Waldo

Something I wrote for a morning devotional email in '08. Still love the thought.

"When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, 'Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.' "  ~Genesis 28:16
 
You know those books you read as a little kid where you tried to find a particular object in the mess of color and busyness on the page?  I think that's what my life is like a lot times . . . God's there, but I'm not aware of it.  Don't miss Him today!  He's here.

Laughter

There are few times when I laugh. Laugh perfectly. Innocently. Laughter that comes from my heart.


Granddad makes me laugh. He's witty and funny. He'll comment about a situation, or he'll act something out. He pretends he is a little boy and laughs and carries on. He'll take my right hand in his left and we'll twittle our thumbs together. We've had serious contests to see who could hold a poker face the longest. I laugh for the shear excitement of laughing with Granddad.


Jackie makes me laugh. Something about being really close, and then doing something silly will make us both laugh. It becomes funnier than the situation should have been which makes us laugh longer and harder. The most recent time was last spring: I tried to give Jackie a leg up on her horse, Cooper, but Cooper walked away. We both found it funny, and laughing, we tried again. I couldn't throw her up being compromised with laughter so it ended poorly. We both just stood there and laughed - for no good reason - which made it funnier. Eventually, we both pulled oursleves together and I threw her on her horse.


Fro made me laugh. He would do silly things. Suck his tongue. Yawn really big. Be scared of the miniature horses. And I would laugh at his sillyness. Sometimes he would buck just because he was fresh and the weather was cool. I would sit on him and let him buck a little and run, and laugh.

Answers To Nonsensical Sensicalness

Here are the answers to my last post in stanza order:
1. Make-up
2. Head covering
3. Move
4. Job
5. God time
6. Mosquito bite on my foot as I wrote blog

Nonsensical Sensicalness

If you can make sense of all of this nonsensical sensicalness than you are either incredibly creative, a great guesser, or you know me incredibly well! (Hint: Each stanza stands for current happenings and musings in my life.) Goodluck!

Masquerade. Facade.
Lock it up. Throw it away.
Worth. Value. Real.
Insecure. Why not?
Learn. Just learn.

Yes, no, maybe so.
Right or wrong?
Beautiful. Heart. Beautiful heart.
Love. Lower.
Be. Just become.

Wave goodbye. Say hello.
Endless time.
This and that. So and so.
Why? Who?
Now. Just right now.

Yes! No!
Here. There. Everywhere.
No one.
Why?
Trust. Just trust.

Rich, but poor.
Satisfied, but empty.
Silence. Spoken.
Unveiled.
Come close. Just come close.

Itch.
Scratch.
Itch. Scratch.
Scream.
Ugh. Just ugh.

Here I Am Without A Job; Thank You, God

As I wrote in my last entry, "Goodbye job. Goodbye paycheck. Goodbye why moving up here was even possible. But here I am anyway." Yes, here I am, completely jobless. I hate the feeling. It's like ice cold rain soaking through my jeans on a windy day. It feels like the sun will never come back out, and my jeans won't dry. It feels like a job won't ever come, and I'll just watch my bank account waste away to nothing.

But I'm learning.

I'm learning what it feels like to deserve the ghetto. That's what I moved up here to do - live in the ghetto. I'm not there yet; still in this temporary living area with my dear friend, Ashley. Even though I truly can't afford anything better than the ghetto in the first place, somehow I thought I was better than that. I was proud. I was self-sufficient. I had plans. But I was wrong. Now I get a chance to be in the shoes of so many low-income areas. I get to feel what they feel. The pressure. The stress. The inferiority. I want to embrace it.

I'm learning to trust God. I'm a planner, but I no longer have plans. I no longer have time frames. I no longer have expectations. I have about four months until I'll be forced to close my bank account. I pray that God doesn't make me wait that long, but if He does I'll be okay. Waiting on Him - truly waiting at the feet of Jesus - instead of waiting on the job: that's what I'm learning.

I'm learning that this season is a blessing instead of a curse. Just months ago I wrote about my God time being rushed and hurried. I gave Him my leftover time, and my second best or worse. I wondered what activities needed to be pruned in order to find time to be with Jesus. Now I have time. A lot of time. I don't have many friends here. I don't have a church. I don't go to the barn. I don't have a job. I simply get to spend time with Jesus. Journal. Pray. Read. Be with Jesus. I don't have anywhere I need to be by such and such a time. I don't need to call so and so, or do this or that. How good it is to rest in Jesus, and seek His heart.

Here I am without a job; thank You, God.