Here I Am Without A Job; Thank You, God

As I wrote in my last entry, "Goodbye job. Goodbye paycheck. Goodbye why moving up here was even possible. But here I am anyway." Yes, here I am, completely jobless. I hate the feeling. It's like ice cold rain soaking through my jeans on a windy day. It feels like the sun will never come back out, and my jeans won't dry. It feels like a job won't ever come, and I'll just watch my bank account waste away to nothing.

But I'm learning.

I'm learning what it feels like to deserve the ghetto. That's what I moved up here to do - live in the ghetto. I'm not there yet; still in this temporary living area with my dear friend, Ashley. Even though I truly can't afford anything better than the ghetto in the first place, somehow I thought I was better than that. I was proud. I was self-sufficient. I had plans. But I was wrong. Now I get a chance to be in the shoes of so many low-income areas. I get to feel what they feel. The pressure. The stress. The inferiority. I want to embrace it.

I'm learning to trust God. I'm a planner, but I no longer have plans. I no longer have time frames. I no longer have expectations. I have about four months until I'll be forced to close my bank account. I pray that God doesn't make me wait that long, but if He does I'll be okay. Waiting on Him - truly waiting at the feet of Jesus - instead of waiting on the job: that's what I'm learning.

I'm learning that this season is a blessing instead of a curse. Just months ago I wrote about my God time being rushed and hurried. I gave Him my leftover time, and my second best or worse. I wondered what activities needed to be pruned in order to find time to be with Jesus. Now I have time. A lot of time. I don't have many friends here. I don't have a church. I don't go to the barn. I don't have a job. I simply get to spend time with Jesus. Journal. Pray. Read. Be with Jesus. I don't have anywhere I need to be by such and such a time. I don't need to call so and so, or do this or that. How good it is to rest in Jesus, and seek His heart.

Here I am without a job; thank You, God.