Tired of Superwoman

I went to the beach last weekend. There's something about the beach that I love. The sound of the waves. The feel of the sand. The cool ocean breeze. Peace. Rest. Refreshment. I sat on a blanket in the stillness of the morning, and I journaled to my God. We talked. I've been so busy; there's so much on my list of things to do that I rarely just sit with God anymore. I miss those times. He used to be first. He was more important than sleep, or anything else that waited on my list. I long for that, and I'm taking steps to make that happen again. Where did I lose it?

I lost it in the distraction of busyness. Running around doing good things, but missing out on what's better. So much of it is ministry. Doesn't that count for something? There are so many friendships that I've worked hard initiating, drained my energy even, for the sake of discipleship. Now I see that all of that without sitting at Jesus' feet first is in vain. And there's so much more I would love to do! I'm reading through Luke right now, and as I look at how Jesus spent His time, I want to love the poor, the prisoners, the widows, the sick, the hurting, the prostitutes . . . just like He did.

In Luke 10, Martha and Mary host Jesus. The story is familiar: Martha is running around serving Jesus and His disciples while Mary sits at Jesus' feet listening. Martha was serving Jesus. What better task to be involved? And yet, Mary chooses the better thing sitting with Him, listening to His voice.

I'm finished with being superwoman. I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of wasting time in shallow friendships; I'm tired of pouring into people who only dump all their garbage into my lap and walk away, caring less about anything I could say; I'm tired of phone calls unanswered and text messages disregarded by people who call me "friend"; and I'm tired of relationships that only push me away from God instead of stirring my heart to seek Him more. I'm tired of doing so much that I miss out on what's more important.

I just want to sit at Your feet, Jesus. I desire to know You, and be known. I long to unveil my heart, and seek Yours. I want to invest only in the people You give me and point me to. Let Your love overflow into their lives so that they see You. Thank you. I love you, Jesus.