Change of Pace

I work to live; I don't live to work. About a month ago, I began to wrestle with whether I wanted to keep working six days a week. While my bank account seems to require that I work, and I don't want to throw away the blessing of having a job, I long to have a whole weekend to be able to see friends, catch up on my life, run errands, read . . . just do what needs to be done and have fun too, and yet still have a sabbath. Have a day to rest and read and journal and be without the hustle.

One evening as I was driving and thinking this through, a song by JJ Heller came on my stereo, "When I Leave." One of the lines says, "It's time to count my blessings. Forget about my savings account for a while." Sighing with relief, I made my decision. Later, I had to re-work my budget to make this thing work. It's going to be tight, but I believe it is worth it. One day, I doubt I will look back at my life now, and wish that I had saved more, worked harder, worked longer.

Yesterday was my last day at the salon. I will miss doing hair, meeting so many interesting people, and my co-workers.

I want to dance. Dance even in the rain. Live simply, but live fully. I'm so very excited for this change of pace in my life, and the opportunity to be even more frugal, and re-examine my priorities, my heart, and my life.

Set Free

Jesus enters the temple area. Church. There are doves in cages being sold as sacrifices. People are switching out money for customers, and those customers are hustling about. Busy. Loud. Chaos. Jesus drives out the cashiers and customers. I picture Him screaming over the commotion, toppling tables, dumping over cages, grabbing dove cages out of customers' hands, and throwing them to the ground.

Maybe the temple quieted, or maybe Jesus yelled over the noise as people hurried to the exit. Either way, Jesus taught them, "Is it not written: 'My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations'? But you have made it a den of robbers.' " (The story in the Bible is found in Matthew 21:12-13, Mark 11:15-17, and Luke 19:45-46.)

Two things stood out to me as I read this through recently. The doves. And Jesus.

The doves were headed to death as a sacrifice. They were caged. Trapped. Like me. Headed to death without Jesus' intervention to pay the consequence and penalty of my sin. Like me, snared in bondage to sin.

As Jesus threw the cages to the ground and dumped over the tables, maybe the cages broke open, releasing the doves. Freedom instead of bondage. Mercy instead of sacrifice. Life instead of death. Jesus' death was the sacrifice so the doves could be set free. Freedom for the captives; release from darkness for the prisoners.

I've been set free, but sometimes clutter fills up my table. I wonder if I need to topple the coffee table in my own living room like Jesus did in the temple.
Recently, I've overturned a few things in my life. Facebook is one of them. It robbed me of time with Jesus, and it turned my focus on myself. Chocolate is another. I love chocolate a whole lot, and it had an unhealthy hold in my life so I now limit how often I can enjoy it. Make-up. I learned a lot about beauty over the summer at camp, where I put sunlotion on my face everyday instead of mascara and blush. Now that I'm working at the salon again, make-up is a part of my dresscode, but I let it get bigger than my dresscode and I began to wear it all the time again, forgetting what true beauty is in the process. For now, I am only wearing make-up to work. Busyness. My life is a little on the crazy side, and I carved out my Tuesday to have sabbath rest.

Turn over the coffee table. Clean it off. Be set free.

Time Management

I was jobless for thirteen weeks. No schedule was needed, and the things that were important always got done because I had so much time on my hands. I just got my schedule for this semester, and it's going to be crazy! Between my two jobs, I'll be working forty-eight hours a week. I've worked more than that before so I know I can handle it, but I also have an hour drive one-way to the salon so that adds another eight hours a week just going to and from the salon. That's fifty-six, and that's pushing keeping my sanity.

That being said, it was time to sit down and write out a routine and a schedule so that things that are important won't get missed. Part of time management is realizing what my priorities are. Before I started on my weekly schedule, I made sure I knew what my top priorities were. For instance, exercise (falls under personal growth) is one of my priorities, but in a busy schedule it's easy for that to get skipped because I'm tired and run out of time so I knew that was something I needed to make sure was put into my schedule.

Here are my top seven priorities (not in order, necessarily):
1. Time with God
2. Church
3. Work
4. Ministry
5. Relationships
6. Personal Growth
7. Fun

After I had my priorities and my work schedule in front of me, I organized everything into six days a week, leaving the only day I don't work completely free. In the past, my day off was the day I ran errands, went to the grocery store, did my cooking and baking for the week, cleaned, and did preparations for small group or ministry things. It ended up being just as crazy as the rest of my schedule. I've realized I really need rest. Sabbath. Nothing is scheduled for my day off. It's important to me that I have a day to truly rest and do things that are fun and relaxing for me . . . like go to the park or a cafe, or read a book, or bake scotcharoos, or hang out with a friend.

I don't have a home church here yet so once I'm commited to a church, I'll add small group and ministry into my schedule in the evenings I don't work.

Making a routine on paper and actually pulling it off in real life are two different things, but at least there is a plan. All I did was pull together my life priorities and my work schedule, and fit them together, leaving one day free. I feel ready for this new crazy schedule, and a little excited to get back to the busyness that I'm used to having. Plus, I'll sleep really well!

Finding Waldo

Something I wrote for a morning devotional email in '08. Still love the thought.

"When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought, 'Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.' "  ~Genesis 28:16
 
You know those books you read as a little kid where you tried to find a particular object in the mess of color and busyness on the page?  I think that's what my life is like a lot times . . . God's there, but I'm not aware of it.  Don't miss Him today!  He's here.

Tired of Superwoman

I went to the beach last weekend. There's something about the beach that I love. The sound of the waves. The feel of the sand. The cool ocean breeze. Peace. Rest. Refreshment. I sat on a blanket in the stillness of the morning, and I journaled to my God. We talked. I've been so busy; there's so much on my list of things to do that I rarely just sit with God anymore. I miss those times. He used to be first. He was more important than sleep, or anything else that waited on my list. I long for that, and I'm taking steps to make that happen again. Where did I lose it?

I lost it in the distraction of busyness. Running around doing good things, but missing out on what's better. So much of it is ministry. Doesn't that count for something? There are so many friendships that I've worked hard initiating, drained my energy even, for the sake of discipleship. Now I see that all of that without sitting at Jesus' feet first is in vain. And there's so much more I would love to do! I'm reading through Luke right now, and as I look at how Jesus spent His time, I want to love the poor, the prisoners, the widows, the sick, the hurting, the prostitutes . . . just like He did.

In Luke 10, Martha and Mary host Jesus. The story is familiar: Martha is running around serving Jesus and His disciples while Mary sits at Jesus' feet listening. Martha was serving Jesus. What better task to be involved? And yet, Mary chooses the better thing sitting with Him, listening to His voice.

I'm finished with being superwoman. I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of wasting time in shallow friendships; I'm tired of pouring into people who only dump all their garbage into my lap and walk away, caring less about anything I could say; I'm tired of phone calls unanswered and text messages disregarded by people who call me "friend"; and I'm tired of relationships that only push me away from God instead of stirring my heart to seek Him more. I'm tired of doing so much that I miss out on what's more important.

I just want to sit at Your feet, Jesus. I desire to know You, and be known. I long to unveil my heart, and seek Yours. I want to invest only in the people You give me and point me to. Let Your love overflow into their lives so that they see You. Thank you. I love you, Jesus.