Say it just like it's spelled. I dunno. I say these two words quite frequently. I just don't know. I don't know what tomorrow will bring; don't know where I'll be living; don't know what job I'll hold this summer; I just dunno.
Pull apart the petals on a rose and toss them in the air. That is what my life is like right now. Don't know where they will land, but I know it will be messy. Look up and try to catch them as they fall, the wind catching them and teasing your fingertips only to snatch them away again. Look down and realize they are all on the ground now, and scurry to pick them all up. Find a big book and smash each of those little petals between its pages, close the book, and wait. Wait for the petals to dry out, and you finally have something beautiful again.
There's the jobs. Love my jobs. One is far away. The other is close by, but I'll only be working there once a week this summer. And so I need a summer job.
There's the house. Love my bedroom. But this is temporary and I need to find a new location to live in May. The city, like I had thought? Or closer to my far away job? And so I need to find a place to live.
There's relationships. Love so many people in my life. There are the old friends back at home. There are new ones here. Where I move will change what those friendships look like, and bring even more people into my life. And so I cried on the way home tonight.
I am torn. And my petals are falling. I dunno.
". . . we do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You." (2 Chronicles 20:12)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh Julie! I wept when I read this. (Mind you I've been crying tears of joy and tears of pain all day, so I think it's par for the course right now.)
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you as well as jumps for joy and excitement for you! The unknown is so scary and exciting. And it's only right to cry in response to all of this.
Have you ever heard of Laura Story's song, "Make Something Beautiful"? It reminds me of you and your heart for God :) You should listen to it sister.
I'm praying that as you watch these petals fall you trust that they are falling into the capable hands of the One who created you and has you in Lancaster for a purpose.
<3Samantha
Hi Samantha! I am sorry I caused you more tears . . . I know how that is though. I hope you are okay and trusting Jesus with your aching heart. I had never heard of the song, but I looked it up - and it is quite fitting for my life at the moment. Thanks for sharing it with me. Love ya! Julie
ReplyDelete